


Mirrors (Fem!Dan)

by evanderblake



Series: Egobang [6]
Category: egobang - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Body Image, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Multi, but it's mostly sweet, fem!Dan, there is some bad language, this is my first ao3 post and idk what the fuck i'm doing, this is sad but it gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 09:12:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13701399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evanderblake/pseuds/evanderblake
Summary: Dan is still learning new things about himself.





	Mirrors (Fem!Dan)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for joining me on this adventure. This fic took weeks to write for some goddamn reason. You're welcome.

Smeared lipstick. Runny eyeliner. Smudged mascara. Patchy foundation. Uneven eyebrows.

What was he doing?

A too-loose dress. Ripped tights. Tacky pumps. A thrift shop necklace. Clip-on earrings.

He was pathetic. What was wrong with him? He was a man. There was no good reason that he should be playing dress-up like a fucking toddler. And yet there he was, on his knees in front of the full-body mirror that hung in his bathroom, tears streaming from his tired eyes and ruining the look he had worked on for over an hour. 

The dress, the shoes… they didn’t belong to him. They were a sort of memento, something an old girlfriend had left behind and never come back for. He kept them because, while he thought that maybe she would come back for them some day, he also thought that they were beautiful. They would fit his slim figure. The shoes, not so much, but he wore them regardless. They hurt. 

He took off the white pumps and threw them across the room, smacking against the wall with a deafening noise. His hands flew up to cover his ears. The sound of choked sobs filled the room as he dropped onto his side, curling into a ball. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. The words repeated in his head endlessly, and he wanted to scream. But instead… he just cried.  
Crying was just as shameful as dressing up like this. It wasn’t manly. It wasn’t tough. And yet, he cried. And so he lay there, on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, in a puddle of his tears and spit and snot, wishing he were anyone else, wishing he didn’t love dressing this way, wishing he didn’t cry over stupid shit. 

He managed to pull himself back up onto his knees and he stared himself down in the mirror once more. His eye make-up, all the work he had put into it, was completely destroyed. He wept harder, burying his face in his hands. He wanted to scrub his eyes, his lips, his cheeks until there was no remnant of his attempt at femininity. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his phone, thrown angrily across the room after his first attempt at eyeliner. Dan quickly grabbed it and clutched it in both hands. 

[Danny] 4:34 p.m.:  
I need help.

He scooted away from the mirror and up against the edge of the bathtub, slowing his breathing until the gasps for hair and hitches in his breath had calmed. His phone buzzed.

[Suzy] 4:36 p.m.:  
I’ll be there in five minutes.

Dan let out a shaky laugh. Suzy lived at least ten minutes away, if not more with L.A. traffic. 

[Danny] 4:37 p.m.:  
Don’t do anything dangerous.

[Suzy] 4:37 p.m.:  
No promises ;)

\----------

“Would you sit still? Jesus…” Suzy scolded, smacking Dan’s shoulder.

He chuckled, then sobered quickly. “Sorry, I’ll try.” His back was sore and was starting to cramp from the position Suzy had put him in. He felt like a doll, his limbs too stiff to bend and his head propped at a strange angle. The soft feeling of the foundation brush against his clean-shaven face was soothing, and he felt as though he might drift off to sleep despite Suzy’s iron grip on his shoulders and chin.

“Are you almost done?” Dan whispered through clenched teeth, trying his best not to disturb her steady hands.

She snickered, shaking her head. “You’ve been sitting here for five minutes. Don’t you have an ounce of patience in those bones of yours?” Suzy leaned back, releasing Dan and admiring her work so far. “This shade is almost too tan for you skin… Is Arin darker than you right now?”

Dan shrugged, then relaxed his muscles. “It’s August. I don’t go outside that much.”

She repositioned her hands on Dan’s shoulder and jaw, smiling sweetly. “I’ll make it work. Now close your eyes and don’t open them until I say you can.”

“Mmkay.” For some reason, Suzy’s harshness made Dan feel better. He was dreadfully insecure about this side of himself, but when she was around, it felt like those thoughts melted away. Suzy was practically a make-up artist, so it was comforting to know that she could turn all his flaws invisible with the flick of her wrist. 

He listened to her steady breathing, her soft heartbeat, the strokes of the brushes against his eyelids… it was musical how it all fit together. He wished he could capture all these sounds and feelings in a bottle to save for when the world became too much as it often did these days. “Almost done,” Suzy whispered close to his face, her warm breath washing over him and sending chills down his spine. The brush lifted from his skin, and he nearly opened his eyes when he heard her stern voice whisper, “Wait.”

And he did.

\----------

Beautiful. Elegant. Gorgeous. Perfect. God-like. He couldn’t think of a single bad thing to say about his appearance. Suzy had done a damn good job of transforming him. A short, white dress with a floral print and a tan belt to accent his stunning waist hung on his slender frame. The white heels – correction, the white heels that fit – complimented his outfit nicely. And his make-up… he was speechless. He was stunning.

“Suzy…”

She smiled as they both looked in the mirror. “Pleeaase tell me you like it. I spent a long time to make you this pretty, and I swear to god if you—”

Dan turned and grabbed her shoulders gently, gazing down into her eyes. “You’ve… you have made me the happiest man…” He couldn’t properly express what he was feeling, but she knew. Their lips met briefly before Suzy packed her things and left without a trace. Dan stood in the bathroom, still staring at his reflection with dreamy eyes, hugging his arms around his chest. 

His happy moment came to a screeching halt, however, when he remembered that Arin would be there to meet him in less than an hour. He still had to get dinner in order and had to pick up his house, making sure it was at least somewhat presentable. The thought of Arin’s reaction made him smile; he knew, although they had never discussed this part of Dan, that Arin would love his little getup.

After throwing the fancy frozen pizza he’d bought into the oven and picking up various articles of clothing off his floors, he heard the doorbell ring. All of the sudden he was freezing. His bones rattled with each step he took toward the door, and his hands were shaking like never before. He was on the verge of a break down in a split second, but he knew that Arin would like this. He just knew. 

His hand gripped the doorknob and stilled for a moment. Deep breaths. He’s going to love the dress. He already loves you, so why would a dress matter? Dan tried to reason, yet his nerves refused to let up. 

Slowly but surely, he turned the knob to face his boyfriend. Arin, who was the furthest from dressed-up Dan had ever seen, didn’t even see the dress at first. He saw Dan, the man he loved. Then, he saw Dan, but he also saw the make-up. And the hairspray. And the jewelry. And finally, he saw the dress. Through the whole intake process, a smile was plastered across his face that only seemed to grow wider and wider with each new observation. 

“And to think that you couldn’t get any sexier than you already were…” Arin muttered, reaching out to grab Dan’s thin waist. 

“Y-you like it then? The… the dress, I mean?” He was shaking as if he’d caught hypothermia, even against Arin’s warm, soothing touches. 

His lips crashed against Dan’s jaw, nibbling lightly down his neck to his exposed collarbone. “You’ve gotta be kidding. Of course I do. I didn’t realize you liked… this.”  
Dan gripped Arin’s shirt, pulling him closer. “I guess I’m still learning new things about myself.”

Arin pulled back, grinning lovingly at his boyfriend. He opened his mouth, likely to say something endearing in response, but shut it promptly, his brow knitting together as he raised his head slightly, sniffing the air. “Is… something burning?”

Dan inhaled sharply, “Fuck! The pizza!” He ran, leaving Arin standing in the door way, doubled over in a fit of laughter purely at the sight of Dan in all his gangly, awkwardness, trying to run in heels. 

“We can just order Thai food!” Arin shouted after him, closing the door firmly behind himself.


End file.
